* --- 02.03.06 --- "Exxcussssssse Meeeeeee!" Steve Martin
"Ohhh, you're right. And when you're right you're right. And you - you're always right." John Candy
"You've got the brain of a four year old boy and I bet he was glad to get rid of it." The Marx Bros.
"Get off the computer and call me."
* --- 01.20.06 --- "You are absolutely, unconditionally, positively the most stubborn person I've ever known in my life." Fried Green Tomatoes
"In short to recap in a slightly clearer version, in the words of David Cassidy in fact. While he was still with the Partridge family. I think I love you." Four Weddings and a Funeral
"You're a goddamn genius. You must have a goddamn I.Q. of 160. You are goddamn gifted." Forrest Gump
"You're seeing a whole team of psychiatrists aren't you?" Field of Dreams
* --- 01.13.06 --- "I love malls, they play such happy music. And they let you try on things." Daria
"Dude, for once I agree with you." Daria
"You're umm, not as superficial as you act. I'm sure you just feel obliged to stress the moronic aspects of your personality." Daria
"Maybe you'd better stop putting your coats in storage until we know more about the effects of mothball fumes on the human brain." Daria
* --- 01.06.06 --- "So, your assignment tonight is to locate Orion The Hunter in the sky. Then write an essay on why you think he needs to carry a weapon to feel like a man." Daria
"I'm a high school teacher I am rich beyond your wildest imagination." Ed
"Actually, I may just skip college and stay home. It will save me the trouble of moving back in later." Daria
"You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. I've worked in the private sector, they expect results." Ghostbusters
* --- 12.02.05 --- "Send check or money order to the address on your screen." "I spent two minutes, two whole minutes, two minutes shopping for your gift." Amazon.com Commercial
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your credit card has been...declined." "Batteries not included."
* --- 11.18.05 --- Turkey gobble sounds. "Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning Roseanne
"Anybody else want a leg?" "Noooo legs for me, All In The Family
"Oh Lord, on this blessed day we thank thee for The Simpsons
* --- 11.04.05 --- "The voices from beyond the grave say, "Noooo." King of Queens
"My sources from beyond the grave say, "Proceed." King of Queens
"Well, gotta give you a big fat noooooo." King of Queens
"Dude, for once I agree with you." Daria
* --- 10.28.05 --- "Wait till you see the surprise I get you for Christmas. I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but you're going to need a bigger bra." King of Queens "As president of the fashion club I'm calling an emergency meeting right now." Daria
"Ahh, I don't have to take this abuse from you. I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me." Ghostbusters(1984)
"I knew it, women hate men. Why do you hate us so much? Is it because we can pee standing up? Oh that makes you crazy doesn't it?" King of Queens
* --- 10.21.05 --- "Prepare yourselves for destruction!!!" Invader Zim
"It's classified. I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you." Top Gun
"Young fella, if you're looking for trouble I'll accommodate ya." "Don't let me have to open a can of whopass on ya - hear?" Something About Mary
* --- 10.14.05 --- "I'm a big man. I'm a big expansive man. You're a small petty man." Curb Your Enthusiasm
"Eawwwwwwwwwww, you're making me nauseous." Daria
"Yesterday I was just like everyone else, I fit in. But when I woke up this morning I had a pimple. Now my life is a hideous montage of humiliation and shame." Invader Zim
"I'm gonna level with you, okay? I live a small life. I work in the subway. I've been held up at gunpoint seventeen times. Twice with a finger." King of Queens
* --- 09.23.05 --- "You are a meathead, a meathead! Dead from the neck up." All In The Family
"Is that your final answer or would you like to call a friend?" Ally McBeal "Quickly, feed those figures into the computer." Batman
"What am I some sort of lackey who gets stuck doing all the lousy jobs nobody else wants to do? Okay I know the answer to that." Becker
* --- 07.01.05 --- "Maybe the next book you read should be 'When mildly inconvenient things happen to shallow people.'" Daria
"I see you're still waiting on that spine donor." Frasier
"Can you do a deep knee bend? Good, then you can kiss my ass." Becker "Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?" Tommy Boy
--- 05.27.05 --- "The truth? I hear voices, all the time, telling me to do stuff. It's crazy heh?" House
"What's so great about you is that you always think you're right. What's so frustrating about you is that you are right so much of the time." House
"Be yourself. Cold, uncaring, distant." House
"You ARE brillant, funny, surprising, sexy." House
--- 05.06.05 --- "People, let's not fool ourselves here, this thing is both vast and dangerous and we are so far over our heads we can barely see daylight." Stargate SG1
"The president of the United States happens to agree with you." Stargate SG1
"You're not in any position to make demands." Stargate SG1
"You know you really will like me when you get to know me." Stargate SG1
* --- 04.15.05 --- "I'm glad it's your birthday, happy birthday to you." "Happy b-b-birthday you thing from another world you." Looney Tunes
Happy Birthday music in midi form. "I spent two minutes, two whole minutes, two minutes shopping for your gift." Amazon.com Commercial
* --- 04.08.05 --- "I bet ya twenty bucks I can get ya gambling before the end of the day." Dumb and Dumber
"Who do you think you are Superman?" Superman
"Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right, right, right." Groundhog Day
"You're seeing a whole team of psychiatrists aren't you?" Field of Dreams
* --- 04.01.05 --- "I'm going to think of an April Fool's Day joke if it takes me all week." Johnny Bravo
"Hey, April Fools! Ha Ha Ha." Johnny Bravo
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." The Simpsons
"HA HA! April Fools!" The Simpsons
* --- 03.18.05 --- "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Gone with the Wind (Via Salima V.)
"Baby, you're the greatest." The Honeymooners
"What we've got here is failure to communicate." Cool Hand Luke
"Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into." Laurel & Hardy
* --- 03.04.05 --- "You stupid ignorant son-of-a-bitch dumb bastard!" Silver Streak
"If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar. Ha, ha, ha." SpongeBob SquarePants
"Man you're ugly. And short." Invader Zim
"You big sack of stupid." Drew Carey
* --- 03.04.05 --- "You have 937 messages, all of which are marked urgent." Dilbert
"Isn't there anything job related you should be doing at this particular moment?" Dragnet
"What am I some sort of lackey who gets stuck doing all the lousy jobs nobody else wants to do? Okay I know the answer to that." Becker
"Why don't you just cut a check to your large intestines cause that's the only part of you that does any work?" The Drew Carey Show
* --- 02.11.05 --- "I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness." Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
"What I did was wrong. Okay I am scum. I'm a gnat's colon. I'm trash. I'm the scum inside a gnat's colon in the trash." "It's official. I am a horse's ass." The X-Files
"I'm sorry and I'm stupid." Everybody Loves Raymond
* --- 02.04.05 --- "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son." Animal House
"No, we're not homosexual but we are willing to learn." Stripes "Thank God it's Friday!" Dragnet
"Why don't you do the world a favor and pull your lip over your head, and swallow." Grumpy Old Men
--- 01.21.05 --- "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is... never try." The Simpsons
"Are you hard of hearing sucka?" The A-Team
"We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!" Ghostbusters
"Ghostbusters, whatdoya want!" Ghostbusters
--- 01.14.05 --- "Happy Birthday!" Vanilla Sky
"It takes a great deal of bravery to standup to your enemies. But a great deal more to standup to your friends." Harry Potter and the Soccerer's Stone.
"Pay me a compliment...I need one." As Good As It Gets
"You make me wanna be a better man." As Good As It Gets
--- 01.07.2005 --- "You just have yourself a good day. Take care now, bye bye then." Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
"I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet." Toy Story
"Code Red, repeat we are at Code Red!" Toy Story
"When I was your age television was called books." The Princess Bride
* From our archives
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